i hate work and work abuses me

yup, just as the line states above work sucks.  i feel like all i do is get shit on at work.  i get the crap shifts that i have to haul ass to get to after school.  i made my school schedule after talking to my manager who said mornings would be good for me to work.  and what schedule do i get?  closing ones right when my class ends.  how in the world am i suppose to get to work at 3 when i get out of class at 3?  wtf man.  i gave my availability and apparently it didn't matter.  anyways, i'm getting drained from this stupid crap.  i don't mean to rant on about it but it's frustrating me.  grr...

i don't know who actually sits here and reads what i write in here.  so i hope no one gets offended for whatever i have to say here.  this is just my little place to vent and talk nonsense or just flat out bitch about something on my mind.  so here go nothing...

i hate the feeling you get when you try to open up to someone and share things with that person you wouldn't really tell anyone else and that person decides to shut you out later.  i shared stories in the beginning and the person shared some stories as well.  all part of the process of building some sort of relationship/friendship.  i feel like every time i invest a lot of time on a person i would consider a "friend," i get the shaft.  it's like i make an effort to be more personal, and i let the person into my life.  i then receive the cold shoulder and i don't know what i did to deserve it.  what's that all about?  i thought we were on the same page here.  i thought you knew where i was coming from and i understood where you were coming from.  i guess i was wrong.  seems like i'm always wrong.  it's amazing how people can let you down so quickly.  it saddens me, a lot.  it's not even that the person let you down, you just thought of that person to be a bigger person.  ~sigh....  i don't even know what i'm saying anymore.  probably doesn't make too much sense.

so anyways, what are you to do when someone pushes you away so far?  i still reach out just in case but i don't know if i'm considered trustworthy anymore.  in my eyes, i don't think i've done anything wrong to not be trusted.  i tell the truth and answer questions.  i really don't know what else to do.  i don't want to lose this person as a friend but that's what it seems like it's turning to.

also i have done a lot of thinking about people of my past.  i thought about one person in particular.  our friendship ended on a bad note sort of.  it's a long complicated story.  i was debating whether to email this person and try to sort some things out.  maybe get a little more closure or something.  i don't know what it is i need from this person.  i feel like i need to open the line of communication but i'm afraid of what would happen.  i'm not big on confrontation but i'm learning to deal with it.  i do miss the company of that friend but don't really enjoy the company of that person's other friend in particular.

what am i to do...  i'm sad and frustrated.  seems like i surround myself with people that challenge me in they same way.  that's where the frustration sits.  i need to rediscover what it is i need to be around.  i work off what's around me.  so if someone is sad and depressed, that's how i am.  if someone is cheery and upbeat, i'll act like that.  don't know what else to say.  i hope maybe the person i was specifically talking about earlier will realize that all i'm trying to do is help.

alright, i must study some more.  i keep doing other things instead of studying.  i'm freaking tired as hell too.  so hopefully i can remember things.

oh yeah, one last thing.  i started to blog in myspace.  i don't know why but i have some entries in there.  there will be random entries here and there.  so if you are so interested, find 'em.